Friday, October 07, 2005

Do You Trust Feelers or Thinkers?

My first inclination is to say Thinkers more than Feelers. In general, it would seem that feelers try to make their reality fit their feelings. Or, in some cases, don't even bother. They just assume that the way they feel is reality.

Example. My friend says something that causes me to take offense. My feelings are hurt, and I begin to dwell on what was said. I blow it way out of proportion to the point that I am feeling angry, resentful, even bitter. I decide to end the relationship.

The facts may be that the statement was not intended to be offensive. In fact, it might not have even been seen as offensive to others who heard it. The Feeler has ignored the history of the relationship, other cues to the intent of the comment, and the possibility of reconciliation through loving confrontation. If I am the friend, I would be concerned about restarting a relationship, because the Feeler is trusting his feelings over a thoughtful evaluation.

I gather from speaking to feelers and reading about them, that they have a hard time trusting Thinkers because Thinkers commonly fail to validate the Feeler's feelings. In other words, even if the feelings are not logical or valid, they are still real to the Feeler. The Thinker says: "Why should I validate something that is not true?" The Feeler says because you diminish me when you dismiss my feelings."

C'mon you Thinkers and Feelers out there. Help me out in this process. Fill in the comment section.

No comments: